The invention discloses a damper. The damper comprises a working cylinder (1), the working cylinder comprises a cylinder body (2) and a piston rod (3), a valve seat (21) is arranged at one end of the cylinder body, the piston rod extends into the cylinder body from the other end of the cylinder body, a piston of the piston rod divides the cylinder body into a rod cavity and a rodless cavity, the damper further comprises a through-flow pipeline (4), a diversion trench (22), an adjusting valve (5) and a control motor (6), the rod cavity and the rodless cavity of the working cylinder are communicated with each other through the through-flow pipeline (4), the diversion trench (22) is formed in the valve seat and communicated with the through-flow pipeline, the adjusting valve (5) is arranged in the diversion trench (22) and used for adjusting flow, and the control motor (6) is used for controlling flow opening degree of the adjusting valve. The invention further provides a vibration damping control system and an automobile. By means of the technical scheme, the damper can be adapted to different automobile driving conditions, effective vibration damping and powerful and even rigid supporting are provided for the whole automobile body, sustained vibration, excessive pitching, excessive listing, even side turning and the like of the automobile body can be effectively prevented, and safe and stable operation of the whole automobile can be guaranteed.