The invention relates to a bisamide quaternary ammonium salt paper softening agent, a preparation method and application thereof. The raw material consists of tristearin, diethylenetriamine and dimethyl sulfate. The preparation method comprises the following steps: firstly, adding the tristearin into a container, heating and dissolving the tristearin, then adding a certain amount of paratoluenesulfonic acid catalyst, stirring the mixture and raising the temperature to 130 DEG C, dripping the diethylenetriamine, continuously raising the temperature to 150 DEG C after the dripping of the diethylenetriamine is finished, and separating the diethylenetriamine to obtain an intermediate product; then putting the intermediate product into the container, and heating the intermediate product to 95 DEG C; and gradually dripping the dimethyl sulfate, preserving heat, and discharging and cooling to obtain the bisamide quaternary ammonium salt paper softening agent. The bisamide quaternary ammonium salt paper softening agent can be used for toilet paper, napkin paper, cosmetic paper, towel tissue, diaper paper and the like; and during the preparation, the synthetic process is simple, and the raw material is easily obtained. During the preparation, the paratoluenesulfonic acid catalyst can remarkably accelerate the rate of amidation reaction and shorten the reaction time, and has the function of solubilizing.